As we know truth can heal, but it also has the potential to harm, and some may not be able to decipher the difference. This conundrum pushed me to have many difficult conversations with the people in my life that hadn’t yet been had. It also inspired me to see my relations and experiences holistically from all sides with unconditional compassion for myself and others.
Sherry Sidoti – 1 August 2023
The Back Flap
January 2021, ten months into the global pandemic, Sherry Sidoti’s mother is diagnosed with terminal cancer—so Sherry prioritizes a trip to Manhattan over long-awaited empty-nesting and her “second chance” with fiancé Jevon. With new life blooming and loss looming, she is beckoned to answer the question that has haunted her since childhood: is freedom found in “letting go,” as the spiritual teachers (and her mother) insist—or is it found by digging our heels deeper into the earth and holding on to our humanness?
A Smoke and a Song is Sherry’s story of her quest to make meaning from the memories homed in her body. Told with tenacity, tenderness, and wry humor, Sherry stumbles towards self-actualization, spiritual awakening—and, despite it all, love. This is a story steeped in art and spirituality that explores the complexities of transgenerational maternal bonds, attachment, loss, and leaning in to our wounds to find the wisdom.
About the book
What is the book about?
A Smoke and a Song is my story of stumbling toward wholeness. It is about womanhood, belonging, forgiveness, spiritual awakening, and self-agency. It is my reckoning with the many complexities of maternal bonding, inherited trauma, secret-keeping, longing, and loss. At its core, A Smoke and a Song is an invitation to heal by alchemizing our wounds into wisdom, and to do so with humor, tenacity, and despite it all, love.
When did you start writing the book?
I started writing in the fall of 2020, although at the time I had no intention of it becoming a book. I turned fifty, was a new empty-nester, in menopause, had recently moved out of my home of eighteen years where I raised my son (the same house I busted my ass to keep after my divorce!) and in to my “second-chance” life with my fiancé Jevon. Like much of the world during the COVID-19 stay-at-home orders, it was a time when I was called to take major inventory of my life.
I decided to take a sabbatical from my 20-plus year yoga teaching career and registered for an online memoir writing workshop with Nancy Aronie. During the workshop, we were given a prompt (“Dinner at my house…”), fifteen minutes to write, and then divided into separate zoom rooms to read our pieces out loud. I was put into Breakout Room Two with five others whom I had never met, whom all lived in different parts of the country. At the end of the two-hour workshop one of the women in my group asked if we would be interested in meeting on our own the next week. We all said yes, and the rest is history. Room Two has met almost every week for over two years.
How long did it take you to write it?
Writing the book was fast, it took under six months. Finding structure, revising, and editing was another year and a half.
Where did you get the idea from?
Months into my weekly sessions with Room Two, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Writing became the cathartic “pre-grieving” practice I desperately needed to contend with the loss that was looming. Within a few months, I realized that these separate threads I had been writing were weaving themselves into a memoir.
Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?
Yes, many. The biggest struggle came with editing my memoir. It was important for me to write my truth as I remember it, yet I was sensitive to how doing so could potentially injure some of my relationships. As we know truth can heal, but it also has the potential to harm, and some may not be able to decipher the difference. This conundrum pushed me to have many difficult conversations with the people in my life that hadn’t yet been had. It also inspired me to see my relations and experiences holistically from all sides with unconditional compassion for myself and others.
Additionally, I chose to write the story in present tense, which meant returning to many difficult memories with my entire being as if they were happening in real time. This process was often triggering. I found myself overwhelmed at times and needed to access my yoga and trauma-resilience practices to come out of my writing time and harmonize my nervous system, resource my body, and re-ground in the now.
Writing my story demanded that I look at the ways my past continues to “hook” me today and commit to my continued healing from them.
What came easily?
Writing came easily. The stories burst from me as if I was in some cathartic exorcism, as if my body needed to eject them from my muscles and bones and onto the page. I felt exhilarated while writing, in a “zone” that had me feeling alive and filled with purpose.
Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?
All the characters in my book are real people from my life. I asked for their permission to write my versions of our stories. Some names and identifying details were changed to protect the privacy of those who asked that of me.
We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?
My greatest writing influence is my grandpa, the late poet Stanley Kunitz. I spent much of my younger years with him in his study or at his poetry readings. I admired how he was able to take just a few words about seemingly insignificant things and make us ponder how complex the simple things were. Throughout my life, upon first seeing me, he’d ask me, “How is your heart today, my dear?” I believe that being asked this simple question gifted me an ability to connect with the inner-me, which has translated onto the page as a writer.
As for memoirists, reading Jeannette Walls’s The Glass Castle was a life-affirming for me as a reader and future writer. Walls’s writing taught me that vulnerability is strength, that humor is healing, and that openly telling our messy and disastrous stories can sometimes save us!
Do you have a target reader?
I imagine my target reader is somewhat like me— someone who was once a scrappy, slow- cooked, meat-off-the-bone type of human (probably with calloused heels, tangled hair, and muddy toes!). Someone who once felt humid, sticky, hot like a wildfire, windblown, like a NYC subway—graffitied, noisy, angst-in-motion. I imagine my reader is now someone who has devoted time and energy to loving, seeking self-agency and self-worth. Someone who wants to “go into the fire” of their own healing.
About Writing
Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?
I write from three in the morning to sunrise, almost daily. In many mystical teachings this is the transcendental time, or the “shamanic hour” — the hours when most babies are born, or people pass on. I make coffee (a little milk, a little honey) and sit outdoors on my farmer’s porch with my iPad—rain, snow, sleet, or shine! Before writing, I bring myself into an embodied meditative state. I close my eyes, focus on my breath, notice what parts of my body are calling my attention, others that barely feel are there. I then “track” one physical sensation by noticing its temperate, shape, texture, color, etc. I sit for about 5-15 minutes, given the day. In this liminal space, I am given a “hit” of what to write about. A memory, a smell, an idea, a word, or something will arise that takes me out of the meditation and into my writing.
Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?
I do not outline, but believe it is an important tool to have. I will be exercising my outlining muscle in my next project, for sure!
Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?
Because most of my writing comes in the form of short snippets or stories, I write until I feel that story is out of my body. Then I put it down for a day or two. Later, I will read what I wrote aloud so I can hear what parts may not flow, belong, or need changes with rhythm or tone and then edit those parts I feel need changing. I often have several pieces I am working on at once.
Did you hire a professional editor?
Prior to submitting the manuscript to She Writes Press, I hired a fabulous editor Janna Hockenjos for two rounds of editing. First, she read the entire book and offered a manuscript critique. This was very helpful and refining the story structure and editing out parts that did not fit with the overall message of the memoir. For the second round, she offered a combination of copyediting and developmental editing chapter by chapter.
Once I submitted my manuscript to my publisher Brooke Warner, it went through several rounds of copyediting and proofreading, with a few more additional edits made during the design phase.
Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?
Because I write outdoors, I listen to the soundtrack of nature— wind, rain, crickets, birdsong, deer galloping across the field, my breath, my heartbeat.
About Publishing
Did you submit your work to Agents?
I submitted some incarnation of what was once the first ten or so pages to one literary agent, but never heard back from her.
What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?
I did a fair amount of research on traditional, Indie/hybrid, or self-publishing. Each had aspects that I thought could work for me. But honestly, after twenty-plus years of entrepreneurship, I was tired of the “hustle” that is required when working alone. I wanted creative freedom, but also knew I needed support and expertise from professionals in my corner. I knew very little about the publishing industry at the time, nothing about book production, distribution, design, nor book publicity. A friend and fellow writer, Antonia Deignan (check out her book Underwater Daughter) had just signed a contract with She Writes Press and encouraged me to submit to them. They offered the perfect combination of all I was looking for, with the bonus roster of wonderful authors and a focus on amplifying women’s voices. I submitted fifty pages of writing and rough chapter summaries. Four months later was given the “green light” to publish with them. There was no looking back after that!
Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?
I worked with the design team at She Writes Press. It was a collaborative process that included writing a cover template and story discovery sheet they used to come up with several potential cover designs and later much back and forth regarding color, image, and fonts.
The process felt much like an arranged marriage— it was certainly not love at first sight. I chose to trust the professionals and go with the cover they felt was best for the book. Over time, I fell in love with my cover.
Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?
Professionally, I am working in with a fabulous publicist named Tabitha Bailey from BookSparks who has helped me to envision an overall strategy for marketing and event planning, as well as booking many publicity opportunities. As for my own strategy, I see marketing as a vehicle for strengthening relationships and fostering new partnerships. I am leaning into the heart-to-heart connections made during my years of teaching yoga and co-creating fun ways to collaborate and get the book out into the world.
Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?
Make sure that whatever you are writing is something you are madly in love with because you will be intimate with this material for years— writing, revising, editing, recording an audiobook, interviews, etc. If you are writing a memoir, I suggest therapy or other healing modalities early in the journey. Gather a support team to circle you!
About You
Where did you grow up?
I grew up in Brooklyn until I was eight, and then the West Village of Manhattan. I’m a New Yorker through and through!
Where do you live now?
I live on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, in Massachusetts.
What would you like readers to know about you?
If I seem mad, I’m probably just sad, so don’t take it personally. Just give me a hug.
What are you working on now?
One of my mother’s last wishes is that I complete a writing project she has been working on but cannot do herself as she is currently in hospice care and nearing the end of her life. This ask is such a deep honor and one I intend on committing to after my book is released in August.
Cuba, Waiting (Page Publishing 2024) is a mosaic of stories about an American journalist named Jenna who travels to Cuba to write an assignment about classic cars and their owners and ends up falling in love with her emotionally unavailable subject. It is a fictionalized account of a real-life decade-long love affair my mother had with a Cuban doctor in her late sixties and seventies.
End of Interview:
Get your copy of A Smoke and a Song from Amazon US or Amazon UK.
