No matter what styles of writing I do, poems, prose, or essays, they are part of my spiritual pursuits. So, writing about my deeper reflections and finding something universal appeals to me. I write everything with my own spirituality.
Linda Moore – 9 September 2022
The Back Flap
From an early age, Kyomi’s life was filled with emotional difficulties—an adulterous father, an overreliant mother, and a dismissive extended family. In an effort to escape the darkness of her existence in Japan, Kyomi moved to the States in February 1990 to start a new life as a researcher working at NIH in Bethesda, MD. Soon, she fell in love with her husband-to-be: Patrick, a warm, charismatic British cancer researcher whose unconditional love and support helped her begin to heal the traumas of her past. Eventually, their journey together led them to change their careers and move to San Diego, CA, where they dedicated themselves to a Buddhism practice that changed both their lives—aiding them in their spiritual growth and in realizing their desire to help others.
Then Patrick was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic melanoma in the brain—and, after a fierce, three-year-long battle against his cancer, died on July 4, 2016. Devastated, Kyomi spent a year lost in grief. But when she one day began to write, she discovered that doing so allowed her to uncover truths about herself, her life history, and her relationship with Patrick. In the process, she surfaced many old, unhealed wounds—but ultimately writing became her daily spiritual practice, and many truths emerged out of the darkness. After many years of struggle and searching, Kyomi finally found the love and light that had existed within her all along.
About the book
What is the book about?
It is about my spiritual journey in which adversities and challenges would turn into opportunities for liberation. Starting from rather complicated childhood filled with emotional trauma to the most recent, my late husband Patrick’s illness and death, I’ve experienced tragic events life often brings.
The loss of my partner, best friend, and soul mate of twenty-six and a half years left me to feel all the identities were taken from me. Later, I began writing. Once my writing became spiritual practices, the clarity, consistency, and the depth of insights in my writing transformed. Through the practice of writing, I finally accepted what transpired, the facts and the realty of me, my life, and about us. I experienced acceptance, embracement, forgiveness, and finding the light that had been all along within me.
When did you start writing the book?
I began writing nine months after Patrick’s passing at the beginning of the year 2017. Back then, I didn’t intend to write a book, nor think it would become a book.
How long did it take you to write it?
It took three years as from the very beginning of the writing to the draft being accepted for the publication. After the contract was made, another year and a half were spent before publishing my book.
As for writing, there were distinct periods of time in my writing. At the beginning, writing became the outlets of my accumulated emotions during my late husband’s illness and death. Gushing out pains and feelings inside of me for years was something I could do and needed back then. Later, I realized I needed to learn more about how effectively I could express these in writing. So, I took classes, courses, and workshops. Simultaneously, I wanted to dig down deeper to find my truths too. Thus, in most of these periods of writing, learning to write, the actual painstaking digging down, and writing from the tragic experiences were ongoing at the same time. My Buddhist principles shaped these writing practices in more disciplined, persevere, and meditative attitudes..
Where did you get the idea from?
Since my book is a memoir, the ideas and experiences were all real and came from my own physical, emotional, mental, psychological, and spiritual self. At each intersection of life event, reflections and takeaways, more universal meanings and VOICE, were added to what I experienced.
Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?
I originally had resistance and struggled to dig down into more deeply hidden emotions and secrets in the hide. To shed the light to the darkest part of the secrets required courage, consistency, and resilience to unearth them. The processes became more spiritual, resulting in acceptance, embracement, forgiveness, love, and light.
Another concern was to show “living in a way of a practicing Buddhist,” which may be unfamiliar for most readers to digest it. I tried not only to talk to the Buddhists but to offer any readers as many tangible examples as possible.
What came easily?
Describing many scenes like discovering Patrick’s illness, septic shock, conversations with my sister and her daughter that I remembered clearly in detail straight into my memories.
Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?
My book is a memoir, so all the characters and scenes existed and are very real to my heart. I chose to use fictitious names for all the people, companies, and hospitals.
We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?
Educated by Tara Westover: This extremely talented young author’s book and life influenced me tremendously. I owed her brutal honesty in her beautifully sophisticated writing. I learned the eyes of the author and the styles of narrations from different times in her life.
Glass Castle by Jannette Walls: The book was one of the first memoir that I’d come across to read. I was awed by the author’s bravery to face what is real including her immediate family. Also, I could read her love and her own being in the book through what involved her in her life, and what she was experiencing.
H for Hawk by Helen McDonald: I was mesmerized by her beautifully written poetical stories throughout the book. Ever expanding wilderness and her aching sentiments and feelings were in beautiful contrast, depicting her yearning for freedom, love, and her own being in a perfect orchestration. I wished to learn more from her extraordinarily literary talent, and aching desire and freedom of spirit.
Do you have a target reader?
Middle to mature-aged women, those who experienced childhood trauma, illness and/or loss of loved one, those who have multi-cultural experiences, truth seekers, those who experienced grieving, acceptance, and forgiveness, spiritual seekers, Buddhists and/or seeking Buddhism,
About Writing
Do you have a writing process? If so, can you please describe it?
I write in the morning for a few hours over cups of milk tea, or occasional black coffee
While I am taking a shower, walking, cooking, practicing yoga, or meditating in daily life, muses may come and tickle on me. Wherever I am when I have luxury of writing it in full, I feel so liberated by doing so.
But most likely I am unable to complete expanding the original input on the spot. So, I usually jot it down in a few words, or a few long sentences to only retain the essence of the inspiration. Then I re-visit the notes and expand them into at least a page-long prose, sometimes a full body essay, or poems.
No matter what styles of writing I do, poems, prose, or essays, they are part of my spiritual pursuits. So, writing about my deeper reflections and finding something universal appeals to me. I write everything with my own spirituality.
Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?
When I write a book, even if not totally clear at the beginning, but themes come first. Scenes and episodes associated with and along with the themes may come second in a collection of short essays or scenes, which become structure, and components of the arc of the book. Then I think about missing parts that may fill the arc better in additional chapters.
When I write essays and articles, I also have their themes and structures first in mind. As I write them, some part of stories may expand too far and get side tracked, then I edit the stories as I write by seeing their overall flow.
Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?
I tend to briefly edit and rewrite as I write. But many others don’t recommend the process, so I try not to obsess to better my writing at the beginning. But I am an ESL writer, so, it’s still good to make edits and rewrite while writing. This process offers more opportunities for me to clarify what I really want to say and see how I achieve it in the writing.
Did you hire a professional editor?
Are you kidding me? Yes, definitely!! Hooray! They are the powers to make my writings better and more accessible to potential readers. I am grateful for them!
Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?
Generally, no. But yes, I sometimes listen to smooth soft light music without lyrics. I love flows of music by piano or string instruments. I love writing with a sense of flowing Qi in QiGong.
When I need to change the mood, elevating, or excited about something, I love the power of strong vocal and pop music.
About Publishing
Did you submit your work to Agents?
No, I didn’t. I was very lucky that I took two consecutive series of “6-month memoir writing” courses. The writing coach from the course was the president of the publisher of my book (Brooke Warner and She Writes Press). After completions of the second revision during the second course, I was accepted for a book publication.
What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?
I strongly support Indie publishing. It offers a reasonable deal and freedom for authors. I was very lucky to be accepted by She Writes Press, which emphasizes the quality and the integrity of book and offers the perfectly integrated traditional distribution.
I’ve never thought about hiring an agent to find a deal with any traditional publishers. It wasn’t an option at all for me to waste time and effort in finding such a publisher. I wanted to prioritize my freedom, and effectiveness with my time and effort. That’s why I’d chosen and am very happy with my choice, the Champion of the Indie hybrid publishers, She Writes Press.
Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?
My beautiful book cover was designed professionally by Julie Metz, whom my publisher recommended and has had a contract with.
Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?
I’ve had my publicist team, but they are not marketing specialists. I’d had a bad luck to hire a marketing individual/company twice. I wasted lots of time to identify them. Eventually, I’ve learned and done only by myself with my friend’s help. I have purchased lots of advertisement options through the Independent Book Publishers Association, IBPA.
Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?
There are lots of choices among Indie publishing. We may like to interview a few and find our own good fits. Finding a good publisher, who can navigate our journeys ahead of the times, is one of the most important first steps. I was very lucky to have She Writes Press as my publisher, which not only offers a good quality book, cover design, and effective distribution, but also the guidance, care, and a good community of authors in need.
Hiring publicist, and marketing persons are also another challenges. We must go through the processes of interviewing, hiring, and working with various people either with or without agents. For me, hiring professionals by paying what they deserve is the way to shape my publishing processes simpler and more effective. I believe in goodness and efficiencies of professionals and their works.
What I didn’t know well before around publishing is a big journey by itself… I’ve learned writing a book is only one aspect of the publishing. Hiring professionals in publicity and marketing are great and “must,” but authors need to take clever initiatives and engaged in more and more activities to be recognized by potential readers. Before our books are in the final draft, we may want to consider getting engaged in activities on multiple platforms to let the world know about us and our books.
About You
Where did you grow up?
I was born and raised in Japan. In February 1990, I moved to the United States to work as a post-doc researcher at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland.
Where do you live now?
In San Diego. My late husband, Patrick and I moved here in February 1998 to start his new career as a director of Research and Discovery at a pharmaceutical company. I’d been a pediatric dentist, engaging in children’s dental care in the Native American community for over fifteen years until Patrick got critically ill. I’ve recently retired from being a non-salaried faculty member of UC San Diego.
What would you like readers to know about you?
Numerous tragic experiences in my life have become the sources of learning, empowering, and encouraging me to grow more wisely and joyously. Acceptance, embracement, and forgiveness of myself and what transpired led me to find love and light that interconnect us. It is my pleasure to share those experiences with as many readers as possible.
What are you working on now?
One of them is a memoir that depicts my life-changing experiences since my late husband’s death until this spring.
Another is anthology of my poems and essays based on my blogs that I’ve posted on one of the blog platforms, MEDIUM, for over a year.
The last is a big project; a novel about a willful woman born in the 1930s in the era of trials, in Ireland.
End of Interview:
For more from Kyomi O’Connor visit her website and follow her on Twitter.
Get your copy of A Sky of Infinite Blue from Amazon US or Amazon UK.
