As a memoir, the book is entirely real-world, though some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty 😊

Rachel J. Lithgow – 11 November 2025

The Back Flap

After two life-shaking events—losing her father and divorcing the man she’s spent half her life with, who happens to be an actor from a famous family—Rachel Lithgow leaves a thirty-year career to write full time and pursue a relationship with a calming, delightful man she recently met online. She thinks she has it all figured out . . . until he announces he’s joining a cult and moving to Phoenix with a blonde real estate agent.

Through a year of terrible dates, peppered with a few great experiences and a lot of pinot noir, the author learns that patterns can be changed, that asking for help is sometimes necessary, and that there’s only one way to repair her brokenness: by facing her trauma and demons head-on.

With a unique mix of humor, self-deprecation, and gritty vulnerability, this dark yet hopeful memoir tackles divorce, dating, single motherhood, PTSD, grief, loss, and starting over in midlife. From emotional rock bottom to a peaceful acceptance of the woman she truly is, Lithgow finds the humor in the blackness, redemption in the pathos, and fulfillment in the idea that “happily ever after” isn’t always a storybook ending—and doesn’t need to be.

About the book

What is the book about?

My Year of Really Bad Dates: a Memoir is about reclamation of self, overcoming traumatic moments in a life, mid-life, and starting over. The dates are a symbol of how I used to deal with situations and how I was able to evolve into a renewed sense of self.

When did you start writing the book?

I began to write the book in 2023 after I thought an essay about online dating would be good PR for the other two books I had on submission with my agent. He and others encouraged me to write a longer piece, and from my journal, the book was born.

How long did it take you to write it?

The first draft only took me about 3 months to write

Where did you get the idea from?

I keep a journal, and in reading back the dates I had been on, and the lack of understanding I seemingly had at the time about why I was continuing to date and blame myself for everything in my life, was the catalyst for the book.

Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?

The book was astonishingly easy to write as a first draft, probably the easiest of anything I had ever written.

Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?

As a memoir, the book is entirely real-world, though some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty 😊

We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?

There are so many, both classic and contemporary, that have influenced me to write and to read, which is just as important. The short contemporary list would be folks like David Sedaris, Amy Sedaris, Roxanne Gay, Donna Tartt, Caleb Carr, Truman Capote, Umberto Eco, Alexandra Fuller, and Jeanette Walls

Do you have a target reader?

I suppose my target demographic would be women 35-65, but I think there is a lot of space here for any reader interested in self-reflection who may have had some difficult relationships or a challenging childhood. I would like to think there is a universal quality to my work.

About Writing

Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?

I would like to get back to daily writing, but now it is 3-4 days weekly, anywhere from 1-5 hours a day. I also write a weekly essay for Substack (rachellithgowwriter) that helps me to keep the muscle sharp.

Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?

I have a general outline in my head; sometimes I’ll write it out or sketch an outline. For my novels, I do extensive outlines and character descriptions. For memoir or non-fiction, I am much more of a “pantser” who writes as I go based on my topic or heading of the day.

Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?

I lightly edit as I go but a real edit doesn’t happen until I’m done with the first draft.

Did you hire a professional editor?

An editor is a writer’s best friend. A real writer cannot function without a strong editor who is familiar with the writer and has a good rapport that can be trusted. I have the same editor for the majority of my work, Emily Heckman, and it is perhaps the most important aspect of the writing process for me.

Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?

My dear friend, the writer Paul Guyot, started me years ago to create a playlist for each writing project. I select songs that resonate with the subject, the tone, and the mood I want to set. I will not start the work outside of the outline and the idea until the list is set, and I’ll listen to it over and over while I write the project. It is now an integral part of the process and I really want to start publishing that list in each book I write moving forward. The music is what inspires the project: it could be classical, jazz, country, OG rock, showtunes, anything that fits with the project is on the table for the playlist.

About Publishing

Did you submit your work to Agents?

I have a terrific agent

What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?

I was getting tremendous feedback and attention from publishers, but ultimately, nobody was interested in investing in a middle-aged, Jewish woman, and all essentially told me so. I chose hybrid publishers for this particular book because of their stellar reputation and because they provide such excellent back-house support.

Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?

I can’t draw a stick figure. My publisher did a tremendous job with the cover. Every time I give someone an ARC, they comment on how great the cover is for my book.

Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?

I have a marketing plan, of a fashion. I hired a publicist but I am also calling in all my chits and sending the ARCs out far and wide. I also think Amazon ads are important, especially for a first timer with no readership following…yet!

Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?

I think the world of publishing is changing so rapidly that any writer needs to keep all options open. There is literally nothing to lose and much to gain by keeping an open mind about how to get your work into the world.

About You

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Buffalo New York, go Bills

Where do you live now?

I live in Long Beach and Hell’s Kitchen

What would you like readers to know about you?

I hope my readers see themselves in me. I am an absolute mess about 60% of the time, and that’s okay, as long as I’m self aware and stay committed to doing less harm…mostly to myself, and to being the best me I can be.

What are you working on now?

I have a memoir about my father and our complicated relationship that’s ready to go. I also have a wacky whodunit, inside Hollywood comic novel, and a historical fiction novel called King David about a Jewish street gang in Queens New York from 1957-1977. I’m looking forward to seeing them all come out into the world soon.

End of Interview:

Get your copy of My Year of Really Bad Dates from Amazon US.