The seed was discovered in psychotherapy.
Rob Tonkin – 16 August 2025
The Back Flap
What if the life you built—the success, the status, the wealth—was just a carefully crafted illusion hiding the truth you refused to face?
In this unflinchingly honest memoir, a man born into privilege but starved of emotional connection takes readers on a California journey through ambition, excess, and the painful search for self-worth. Raised in a dysfunctional household, he spent his childhood yearning for love and validation, only to chase approval in all the wrong places—first in the cool cliques of his youth, then in the seductive but empty world of entertainment.
From rubbing shoulders with Hollywood icons to battling imposter syndrome, self-destruction, and the weight of his own unhealed wounds, he learned the hard way that no amount of wealth or popularity could mend a fractured soul. But through disciplined effort, self-reflection, reckoning with past mistakes, and embracing the uncomfortable truths about himself, he discovered something greater than success: authenticity.
Told with sharp wit, brutal honesty, and a hard-earned sense of redemption, this memoir is a gripping testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
About the book
What is the book about?
Asshole is a memoir, a book filled with a life’s worth of wild stories, from childhood trauma to lurid escapades, to honing entertainment marketing skills. All the while, there are buried secrets that have become the driving forces behind my success. Then came a slow crash and a transformation.
When did you start writing the book?
Toward the end of 2021.
How long did it take you to write it?
A little more than 3 years.
Where did you get the idea from?
The seed was discovered in psychotherapy.
Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?
Absolutely. The hardest part is recalling dialogue and some scenes from decades ago.
What came easily?
Storytelling.
Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?
All the characters are pure, authentic versions of the non-fictional people in my life.
We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?
I appreciate the bravado and brazen abandon of writers like Hunter S. Thompson, the careful and beautiful word choices of Tara Westover, and the honesty and cadence of Mark Hoppus.
Do you have a target reader?
Unbelievably, no, but I didn’t realize this until I was writing and developing the book. Anyone can find some relatable aspects within the pages and the stories.
About Writing
Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?
Early mornings after coffee are my best time for storytelling, editing can happen at any time, and rewriting has to be done when I feel clear and focused.
Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?
I wrote the entire manuscript without an outline, but I created scene cards for the stories and wrote in a non-linear order. Then, I made an outline and adapted the story to fit the sections, and subsequently broke down the chapters.
Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?
I wrote the first manuscript with minimal editing.
Did you hire a professional editor?
A good friend offered their decades of journalistic editorial services to help me organize and to participate in the developmental editing stage once the manuscript was written.
Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?
No, I prefer complete silence and few distractions, nature excepted.
About Publishing
Did you submit your work to Agents?
No. I tried to reach an agent but never received a response.
What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?
I realized that the Big 5 are focused on profit, and in memoirs, it usually only comes from public figures, with rare exceptions. Therefore, I decided to pursue publishing through a self-publishing house that helps authors like myself.
Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?
The publisher took a composite that a friend and I developed and refined it, so I give them the credit.
Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?
Yes, I have a marketing plan.
Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?
The writing is far easier than the publishing and marketing.
About You
Where did you grow up?
Sacramento, California
Where do you live now?
Los Angeles, California
What would you like readers to know about you?
I welcome feedback and thoughts, and hope my story is both entertaining and helpful to many people.
What are you working on now?
I write a weekly blog on Substack. It’s found under “musings” on my website, robtonkin.com.
End of Interview:
Get your copy of Asshole from Amazon US or Amazon UK.