Of course they’re not based on real world people. Where in the real world would I find a billionaire with zero political experience and zero diplomatic skills running for president? What a crazy idea.
W.T Fallon – 5 December 2016
The Back Flap
After years of emceeing insipid singing competitions, TV personality Bryan Seafoam can’t wait to host “American President,” the world’s first reality show to elect a president of the United States. Finally, an opportunity to be a real journalist, digging up dirt and playing hardball with the top ten candidates.
But it doesn’t take long for the contestants to start slinging mud at Bryan – literally, when billionaire candidate Ronald Chump is challenged to dig his proposed moat along the Mexican-American border himself. Forced to work in a fast food restaurant, an anti-minimum-wage-hike candidate learns his coworkers are struggling to survive with multiple jobs and claims to have solved the unemployment problem in his state-leaving Bryan to duck ketchup bombs from customers. To make matters worse, Bryan’s producer pressures him to be nicer to the candidates, and his former crush, now an experienced political correspondent, shows up-and shows him up at every turn.
When a cheating scandal rocks the show, Bryan begins to suspect it’s just the tip of a very underhanded iceberg. Will trying to expose a plot to wreck the most hysterical, er, historic election in history cost Bryan his career-and his personal life?
About the book
What is the book about?
Fail to the Chief is a satire in which I imagined the presidential race as a reality show, like American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. It takes place in a building where all the rooms are designed to be replicas of rooms in the actual White House—the Oval Office, the Lincoln Bedroom, and even the bar.
The host is an affable guy named Bryan Seafoam who previously hosted a reality show for singers. He really wants to be a serious journalist, but the producers want him to be nice to the candidates…while asking them hard-hitting questions. But without making them uncomfortable.
And then you have the ten contestants, who are given challenges each week, like on any good reality show. For the first challenge, they have to work at a regular job, with no aides around to help them or make them look good. Challenges are selected by the American public, based on either the candidate’s previous experience or campaign promises. Ronald Chump, for example, is a billionaire who runs for president after being told he can’t direct-purchase the White House. He promises to build a moat between the United States And Mexico, so the public decides he needs to build at least part of it all by himself. This leads to a comical scene where a billionaire learns to drive a bulldozer…or not. Meanwhile a congresswoman who campaigned on helping the poor but mostly helped rich donors works in a coffee shop filled with the people she promised to help. An anti-minimum-wage-hike governor has to work in a fast food place with actual minimum-wage workers, and a Green Party candidate goes to work in a co-op, where he discovers “Legalize pot” isn’t the one-size-fits-all campaign promise to solve every problem.
When did you start writing the book?
I started writing it in January of 2016.
How long did it take you to write it?
Initially, I had planned on it being just a short story, but when I read the beginning of it to my critique group, they convinced me it should be a book. It probably would have taken me months to write if I hadn’t gotten fired from my job in February. (They said they were going in another direction with the department, then gave my job to a much cheaper intern.) At that point, I said, “Screw it, I’m going to finish my book.”
I got fired on February 12, two days before my birthday—because nothing says “happy birthday” like a pink slip, am I right? I finished Fail to the Chief on March 4th.
Where did you get the idea from?
I was running on the treadmill and watching a cable news channel when it hit me that the election was just like a reality show in slow motion. This was in January, so you had about ten candidates then, and they slowly get picked off until you have only two left, then you have the grand finale, right? The only difference is people can’t just vote right from their couches. (I wish!)
Then I thought about all the things I always wanted to see when watching a political debate. For example, I always wanted to watch one where all candidates were hooked up to a polygraph, and they had real-time reporting with a buzzer or screen that showed when someone lied. So I wrote that in as one of the challenges.
I also thought about all those debate drinking games—take a drink when a candidate lies, take a drink when you hear something trite. I always thought it would be way more fun if the candidates themselves had to drink every time they used a tired phrase, so that became another challenge in the book.
Other parts of the book were inspired by my own life. My experience at the unemployment office led to a scene where an average American describes his frustration at being ignored by government employees who admitted to not working on the taxpayer’s dime.
Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?
I didn’t know how it was going to end when I started writing, but I figured it out along the way. I rewrote the ending a couple times as I had new ideas.
There was one scene with a boxing match-up between two sets of candidates. (Who hasn’t wanted to see the candidates literally punch each other out? In my book, I made that happen.) The first match-up was easy. The second one I struggled to think of a funny way to end it, and I just had nothing. I finally had the show’s producer declare it too boring for good television and end it.
What came easily?
Thinking up things for each candidate to do. I worked in retail for years, and I don’t think people who haven’t done that job—including an awful lot of lawmakers—have a clue how hard you have to work for very, very little money. That’s why the candidates do a variety of low-paying jobs in the book—there’s a coffee shop, a burger restaurant, a technology store, a pig farm. I wanted to show people running for president actually doing the hard work they claim to support.
Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?
Of course they’re not based on real world people. Where in the real world would I find a billionaire with zero political experience and zero diplomatic skills running for president? What a crazy idea.
Seriously, it is a satire, and it is about politicians, so I guess some people might find some similarities to real people running for office.
We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?
I love to read and read a wide variety of authors. I’ve been reading Stephen King since I was eight. My mom didn’t think it was a good idea, but contrary to what she thought, I did not have nightmares. I think I learned a lot about describing characters in a real-world way from reading Stephen King. He’s really good at that.
I learned about writing satire mostly from my fellow writers at the NWA Gridiron Show. I’ve been writing for the show for several years. We love to roast and parody politicians, local and national.
Do you have a target reader?
Anyone who is sick of politicians and their crap.
About Writing
Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?
I’m a pantser. I don’t outline, and I don’t need to know the ending when I start. If I had to wait until I could outline everything that happens in my story, I would never start.
So I just start writing, and if I don’t have a good idea of what to write next, I write my best bad idea. I can delete it later. Sometimes writing something I know isn’t great lets me get to something better, then I can go back and delete the other stuff.
Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?
No outlines. I refuse. Can’t do it. I got in trouble in school for refusing to outline otherwise perfect papers. I can’t start if I have to know everything that happens.
Sometimes I have an idea in my head of where I’m headed, and I figure out the middle of the story as I go. Other times I have no idea where I’m headed and I figure that out as I go.
Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?
I might make minor edits as I go, but mostly I wait until I’ve finished. I know a lot of people who get hung up trying to fix their first chapter and two years later they still haven’t finished the novel. I like to at least finish the first draft, then go back and overhual it.
Did you hire a professional editor?
I was published by a small press, and they provided me with a wonderful editor.
Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?
Yes, I like to listen to music while I write. I love Bruno Mars and Ed Sheeran.
About Publishing
Did you submit your work to Agents?
I tried that years ago with some now-trunked, not very good first efforts at novel writing. Never got anywhere. Now I realize that was a waste of time.
What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?
After wasting a lot of time submitting to agents and getting rejected, I decided I wanted to self-publish. But I wanted to try to improve my work first, so I started going to critique groups. It was through one of them that I met some people from my publisher, Oghma Creative Media.
Initially, I wanted to stick with my idea of self-publishing. I liked the idea of doing everything myself and being in control of everything having to do with my book. I will admit to being a control freak.
But there are also downsides to self-publishing. It’s very hard to stand out, and by the time I had something I felt was ready for publication, I think the best time to self-publish had passed. What I mean is that there are so, so many self-published books on Amazon now, in addition to traditionally published books, that it’s extremely hard to just go out there and get people to see and really notice your book.
Ultimately, I decided it would be helpful to have a publisher that could assist with marketing my book, although I do a lot of that on my own, as well. I also didn’t really want to design my own cover or pay someone to design one for me, so it was nice having a cover designer, and a good editor. They both did a great job, and I had input on the cover.
Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?
My publisher provided a cover designer, who listened to all my suggestions. I really wanted the candidates on the cover, and I think that turned out really well.
Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?
I try to get my name—and my book title—everywhere I can. Every day I look for opportunities to do interviews, guest blog posts, or write satire. I write regularly for Humor Outcasts, and I was recently featured on The Satirist as well.
Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?
Marketing a book is hard work, and it’s something you have to do every day. Even if you have a small publisher helping you, it’s still important that you work on marketing your book daily. Find places you can get your work seen, whether it’s a short story or an interview or a guest post. Posting on social media or your own blog is okay, but writing a guest post for someone else’s blog or being interviewed opens you up to a whole new audience.
About You
Where did you grow up?
Outside of Fayetteville, Arkansas. Basically the middle of nowhere. I’ve always wanted to move but never had the money.
Where do you live now?
Still stuck here in the middle of nowhere because MONEY.
What would you like readers to know about you?
I always love to hear from my readers, and I’m happy to talk to them about anything. Maybe it will inspire the next thing I write! Please visit me on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, or my blog. Or you can check out some of my satire pieces at Humor Outcasts. I love feedback.
On that note, reviews are really important to writers, so if you’ve read Fail to the Chief, please take less than a minute and write a review. Thanks to those who already have!
What are you working on now?
My next book is a satire of the pharmaceutical industry. If you’ve ever laughed at the extensive list of side effects in a drug company ad, you might enjoy reading it.
End of Interview:
Get your copy of Fail to the Chief from Amazon US or Amazon UK.
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